She had the profile name "mistress_anne54", lived in San Francisco, and the opening line had me hooked...
"I want to make you my girl..."
The profile picture was a long curly-haired brunette dressed in leather pants, a black sheer top, and sitting in a high-back rattan chair that semi-resembled a throne. Her face was concealed by her flowing hair and her sideways glance leaving an air of mystery.
Over and over I would re-read the heading and stare at the leather pants, her dominant nature, and I was mesmerized.
The profile text read : UPDATE 10/09/2006 I am again on the search of a person to become my permanent slave. I'm a Dominant Woman, 100% genetic woman, seeking a sub-slave (between 25-45) to enslave and feminize. He must be willing to submit and serve a superior woman and take care of her needs.. You have to be open to the idea of feminization, and eventually to castration. The male or tgirl I am looking for will be ready to commit to 24/7 service, with My wishes and desires placed above all else in your life. I have a lot of experience and will make you take your first steps slowly if you are new to it, but I also know when I have to force a situation. I love feminine males, sissies, roleplaying, forced feminization and forced bi-play, and you must be willing to submit to my choices for your feminization, which will include hormones, strict low protein diets to make you lose weight and muscle mass, breast implants, electrolysis, facial feminization surgery if needed and possibly SRS surgery if I desire it for you. \\***(READ THIS BEFORE E_MAILING ME): This goes for all you guys that flood my e-mail... I want to state clear that this is a 24/7/365 position... I'm NOT interested in married men, part-time slaves, or meeting you for the weekend. You will not be a freeloader, so we'll figure out a WORK for you (with me at home or outside), ideally a job that will still allow you to take care of the chores, the laundry, etc... Ultimate goal is to make you my maid, secretary and make all the work your Mistress hates to do. I want you to know what this means, so, if all this just turns you on, you'd better masturbate before writing to me and think about it better, since I'm getting tired of gameplayers and fakes... So, if you are sure about what you want you'd better get serious and scan a pic of yours... (DO NOT send pics of your cock... just a pic of you as you look every day, crossdressed is nice too...) My Ideal Persona gay male or tg, willing to relocate and who is in need of having someone take control of his/her life.
I read and re-read that page maybe half a dozen times some days. The fact that I had saved off a page that is now 12 years old from a dating site says a lot too.
So why is this essay entitled "Denial"?
Nothing happened because she was 3000 miles away, and I was frightened - I was enthralled with the fantasy, but also afraid, knowing that some paths are one way. That was kept a fantasy because of the distance. But, what if? What if I had been closer? What if we initially met?
The denial is that I would have any power to resist her.
Perhaps we would have exchanged a couple of brief messages first before she would schedule a formal face-to-face interview. She would have learned of my love of leather and no doubt, she would be wearing the leather pants from the picture, maybe that exact outfit.
I would be shy, she would be warm and welcoming. She most definitely would notice my fixation on her leather pants. Within a few minutes she would know that I had no say in the matter, that if she desired to have me, I would be enslaved and fully feminized to whatever degree she desired.
Perhaps she would lead me around. Show me her playroom and restraints. From an earlier edit, I believe she had a cage in her basement. Maybe she would ask me to crawl into the cage, just to see what it "feels like," to only lock the door and then start teasing her captured prey. Or, not wanting to risk running me off... she leads me to her changing area, shows me where she applies her makeup, and then asks what I think of her shade. She then has me sit in her chair and she draws in closer so I can smell her perfume as she begins to cover my lips in lipstick. A small touch, but one that shows control and submission. She can see my excitement.
She would then give me a small task, stating she wanted to see if I was serious. She would send me off, still in the lipstick, to get a set of pantyhose or similar and to come back wearing the pantyhose and bring the receipt to assure I had gone to the store she instructed. She wanted me to return, still with the lipstick perfectly applied and unsmudged.
How close to that would it goes? Who knows, but as I reflect now I know, had we met, and had she decided, I would have been hers.
I would be enslaved and feminized as far as she wanted, including SRS. She slowly would continue to set the hook and draw me in, breaking down whatever resistance I had, and drawing me in deeper and deeper. I would be given hormones and a diet to reshape my body. Implants and face surgeries would permanently push my look ever more female. I try and imagine now, waking up from surgery and having a pair of breasts that would always be there. This was no longer dress-up, but I was a she-male being ever deeply enslaved.
So where did some of this all of the sudden come to the surface? I meet many great folks from this site, and one is a person who identified from an early age as transgendered and is currently owned by a female couple and being feminized. While most of her life, she thought of being in the wrong body, so many had dreamed of women owning and doing that to us. In some ways, she is living a dream.
There are two ways I can look at it. Seeing how weak I can be to these deep desires, I escaped and was lucky for the distance because I would truly be helpless to her. Or, did I miss out? Have I missed 12 years of such an amazing and rare fantasy realized in flesh and feminization, complete and total enslavement, and transformation from man into slave girl? Very early on, realize it is a one-way path, and once you are so far along, there is only going forward.
Did I escape? Or did I miss out. Send me an email and let me know. What would you have done?